West Java Gubernatorial Election 2018: How to Win Voters' Heart

World knows that former Governor of DKI Jakarta province Basuki Tjahja Purnama has been sentenced to two years for blasphemy. This what makes us so happy as Indonesians.

Our mission's accomplished! Oh, and we always love how our judiciary works (not only for this particular case). Looking forward to 'Ahokizing' (yup, it's a thing) other people in another city or regency in Indonesia!

Anyways...

Let's get into the main course. I'm a Purwakartan—a legitimate and lawful voter for the upcoming West Java Gubernatorial election 2018—who would like to share some tips on how to win West Java voters' heart.  

So, if you're planning to run for West Java office in 2018, you're reading the right source. If these tips don't work as expected, you may file a lawsuit against me. You all know where I live (it's Twitter).

Okay, here are my tips:

1. Make Sure that You're A Muslim, Seriously

First and foremost, it's pivotal to make sure that "Islam" is written in your ID card. No, we don't really fancy non-muslim candidates (especially if you hurt our feelings). We don't really care if you personally practice, let alone internalize, islamic values like tolerance, patience, compassion, and what not. We just care about your religious legal identity.

Here's the fact,  a research by Indikator Politik Indonesia points out most Sundanese who live in East and South Jakarta, who earns IDR 2-4 million/month  are satisfied with Ahok's work as Jakarta Governor but are reluctant to vote for him, and 16% of respondents would vote for Anies-Sandi because they are muslim (believe in the same God as theirs). 

And, if you extend your reading on the research, you might find "feelings" factor has played quite significant roles in influencing voters' behavior rather than sole credible track records.

2. Develop Sugar Mouth Skills

Rhetorics. We love them. If you deliver them in the most abstract, flowery, philosophical, smooth, and kind way possible, we love them even more. Anies-Sandi is a perfect example for you to learn. Well, majority of Jakartans seem to love the concept of "Keberpihakan (Partiality)" word, and, hey, it's proven, they’ve elected the leaders they deserve desire. Learn from the best!

…Or, you may want to follow Purwakarta Regent Dedi Mulyadi's step by using a more cultural sense of words like Spirit Ki Sunda, Dangiang Galuh Pakuan, or something vernacular like that, you know. These culturally philosophical jargons may effectively attract influential people who really care about Sundanese culture to vote you. Again, always learn from the best.

3. Involve Clerics in Your Campaign

If you’re financially capable of hiring GNPF-MUI Management to help you with your campaign, book them from now, book them fast. Always hire the best.

Well, if you can't, you have to work your ass off to engage with muslim clerics throughout West Java cities and regencies to work for with you. Make sure that your name is constantly mentioned in Friday prayer sermons by the preachers (it's an efficient campaign). Pay attention, religion is a very important, if not determining, ingredient for you to prevail.

4. Proven Track Records. What the hell is that?

It's boring, you know. We don't need to hear your rational programs, proven track records or whatever you think substantial for us—West Java voters—to know or comprehend. No thank you, we're not interested. Seriously, though.

However, we might be interested in gimmicks such Jakarta Singles Card or Kartu Jakarta Jomblo (KJJ), Ta'aruf Corner thing, or Forced Marriage 'Punishment' for People who Date After 9 p.m., etc. Just keep up with something trivial or irrational if you can. We’re lovin’ it!

Please don't talk about your visions on West Java infrastructures, people's welfare, labor and teacher issues, connectivity, digitalization, equality or whatever. They, my friend, are so unattractive. We've had enough thinking hard and critical. We just want to have fun, okay?

Final Word

Now, I challenge West Java voters to prove me wrong in 2018.